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Subject: Round 41: Traffic signalling devices
Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 16:57:01 -0400
From: Mark-Jason Dominus <mjd@plover.com>


Traffic lights in *my* country use lamp position, rather than color,
to indicate stop and go.  When the lamp on top is lit, that means
'stop', and when the lamp on the bottom is lit, that means 'go',
regardless of whether the lamps themselves are red, green, or
chartreuse.

This is much better than your ridiculous traffic signals, because....

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Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 17:05:26 -0400 (EDT)
From: jason@cs.rochester.edu
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To: mjd@plover.com
Subject: Re: Round 41: Traffic signalling devices


Point of clarification.  Do you mean to suggest that
traffic signals in my country do *not* use lamp position to indicate
stop and go?  Most do, in part because of red-green color-blindness.

There are some exceptions, such as flashers at an intersection (one
flasher that is either red or yellow depending on direction of approach
or time of day) and a fancy subspecies of turn arrow (turns from green
to yellow before turning off).  But the great bulk of traffic lights
use a redundant cue.  The same is true of pedestrian lights, which
usually combine position, color, and flashing/steady.

In other words, I'm confused about what is supposed to be better than what.
Others may be too.

jason
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To: jason@cs.rochester.edu
cc: mjd@plover.com, mjd-advocacy@plover.com
Subject: Re: Round 41: Traffic signalling devices 
In-reply-to: Your message of "Thu, 24 May 2001 17:05:26 EDT."
             <200105242105.RAA16545@femto.cs.rochester.edu> 
Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 17:28:01 -0400
From: Mark-Jason Dominus <mjd@plover.com>



> Point of clarification.  Do you mean to suggest that
> traffic signals in my country do *not* use lamp position to indicate
> stop and go?  Most do, in part because of red-green color-blindness.

Oh, sure they do, no doubt because the designers were somehow dimly
aware of the way things Ought To Be Done, but it isn't the primary
method of communicating stop and go information.  For example, in your
benighted country, many traffic lights are arranged horizontally,
leaving the hapless driver to intuit the meaning from the color alone.
You also use a variety of bizarre and ambiguous signals, such as
colored flags and stop signs, again leaving it up to the motorist to
discern the meaning from color-related hints.

In MY country, the lamps are *always* arranged vertically, and the top
one is *always* stop, so that the color doesn't matter.

I hope this clarifies my position.


================================================================
================================================================
================================================================


-- A --


Because we can piggyback additional hue-based communications on top of
our existing stoplight infrastructure.  This can consist of anything
from easily understood traffic advisories (red for congestion, yellow
for clear roads) to high-capacity digital value-add channels featuring
news bulletins, entertainment, instantaneous personal messaging, and
consumer-tailored targeted Doubleclick advertisements.  Thus an
ordinary driver can learn not only whether he should stop or go, but
also which route to take, where to find a nearby fuel station, and an
estimate of remaining travel time, all while a raucous advertisement
for the latest 3-D action film blares out of the vehicle's digital
sound system, drowning out the driver's hands-free wireless phone
conversation with his pregnant, celebrity-obsessed sister.


--------------------------------

-- B --


... because it allows municipalities to save money by getting around
patents on particular LED colors.  (Just last year in Japan, Nichia
Chemical Industries Ltd. sued another company for infringing a patent
on its blue-green LEDs -- and won!  Imagine the expense when some
company comes around to your city council and wishes it had a nickel
for every time your city used a blue-green LED.  By relying only on
position, you can easily switch to teal, maroon, or purple the moment
the patent lawyers come knocking.  Come on, can you _really_ say that
you have a valid patent license for each and every one of those little
lights?  There must be millions of them!  I'm sure you couldn't
maintain that kind of documentation without a whole Office of Traffic
Signal Intellectual Property Compliance.)

Besides, you can avoid the even more severe legal risk of inadvertantly
infringing some company's _trademark_ on your traffic light colors.
Last year, the U.S. District Court for the District of Minnesota ruled
in _Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing Co. v. Beautone Specialties Co._
that 3M's trademark on the color "canary yellow" was valid.  Imagine
if one of your traffic lights turned out to use canary yellow for its
"proceed with caution" signal.  _Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing Co.
v. Your City_ could be next!

In today's litigious environment, the ability to switch the colors of
lights on a moment's notice is critical to avoiding costly court
battles.


--------------------------------

-- C --


As a member of the city beautification committee, the traffic lights
can be color coordinated to improve the decor of the city. The morale
of cities everywhere would be lifted by these simple changes in
traffic lights.


--------------------------------

-- D --


Because in your intelligence- forsaken country nobody every bothers
with the goddamn things anyway because they're always driving around
fucked up on crack or hepped up on amphetamines.  I mean shit! Why the
hell do you losers even bother with even the most idiotic traffic
devices since everyone is so fucking self-centered that they just
drive through every intersection they come to -- even if an ambulance
has to wait for them?  Everybody in your egoistic, megalomaniacal,
intelligence - challenged country should not only be denied the
privilege of operating a motor vehicle (a highly dangerous device in
the hands of such under-gifted individuals as you and your fellow
country-(wo)men), they should be immediately conquered and enslaved by
our organization of pet Chihuahuas.  Not only do you use color in your
traffic signals (which, of course changes not only depending on the
eyes of the perceiver, but on the time of day and other light sources
around - a fact pointed out even by your earliest scientists, but you
were all too stupid to appreciate their warnings), but you use
weather-vulnerable pavement for your roads (creating huge dangerous
gaping holes into which many of you fall and are never heard from
again), painted lines for your lane markers (ignoring the fact that
the driver's plane of vision is parallel and higher than the ground
and therefore the markers are out of sight unless either looking down
through a clear-floored vehicle -- of which none are available in your
country and which would also create an incentive to take one's eyes
away from where one is headed -- or there is no one else on the road
-- in which case the lanes are superfluous anyway), signs and fines
for your speed limits (so that the air of prohibition makes speeding
into a forbidden pleasure), and driver operated horns for proximity
danger alarms (by the time one has any use whatsoever (except in New
York) it is far too late to do any good).  It is therefore abundantly
clear that your country should be denied the opportunity to travel by
any means of locomotion that is under your own control and that all of
your transportation devices and systems should be immediately melted
into scrap metal and used to create a sculpted monument to our
superiority.


--------------------------------

-- E --


We do not have the colorist assumption that Red dominates Green, with
Yellow in the middle purgatory.  This has contributed to our more balanced
religious system in which we believe that all crosses are made of steak.


--------------------------------

-- F --


My positional traffic light system is better than yours because it
mirrors inflected grammatical systems, making it much easier to write perl
using Linqua-Romana-Perligata.


--------------------------------

-- G --

Obviously, it's because it's impossible to distinguish
which light is lit from more than about 30 yards away.
This forces everyone to slow down to 25 or less when
approaching any intersection.


--------------------------------

-- H --


Because the 'stop' light can be seen from a greater distance away,
giving extra notice that it's time to consider taking one's foot off
that accelerator.


--------------------------------

-- I --


Because our traffic signals do not discriminate against the
colorblind. It is possible to know when to stop and go without being
able to distinguish green from red.


--------------------------------

-- J --


Because the lamp colors can be used for the national lottery.  As a
traffic signal goes from go to caution to stop, it chooses a color at
random for each light.  If, while one's car is at the head of the
line, the traffic signal displays 3 identical colors in a row, one
wins the national lottery, and becomes the next president.


--------------------------------

-- K --


Because this allows us to customize the colors for season, holiday, or to 
complement the surrounding environment.  After all, do you really think that 
a red light looks good on a forest highway?


--------------------------------

-- L --


Because we are much more able to color coordinate the neighborhood,
being able to ignore the garish red, green, and yellow lights in favor
of more the pleasant aqua, lavender, and indigo. . .


--------------------------------

-- M --


Because depending on positional clues forces the traffic signals to be
hung vertically - if position was not important, traffic signals could
be hung either vertically or horizontally. This would mean that they
could resemble the starting lights at a Formula One race, which are
always positioned horizontally. Reminding people of Formula One racing
obviously leads to them driving faster and more aggressively, which
would be irresponsible. Hanging traffic signals vertically saves
lives.


--------------------------------

-- N --


Because that way colour-blind rednecks will be able to shoot the
"stop" light just like their more fortunate cousins.


--------------------------------

-- O --


Because recent scientific studies show the great effectiveness of this
system. Your countries backward system even allows lights to be placed
sideways, causing severe traffic problems! I don't understand why you
people just don't "get" the correct way to handle traffic lights.
Doesn't any of you think of the children!


--------------------------------

